The third post in a three-part series
From many women, we hear versions of “I don’t feel like myself anymore”. For some of us, everything seems to shift — our sleep, our moods, the way we feel about everyday situations, our reactions to our partners, children, our bodies, our digestive systems. It can be exceptionally unsettling.
Why does this happen? It’s because the changing patterns and levels of estrogen and progesterone (explained in part 2) have an impact in almost all of our body systems…far beyond our reproductive system. We created a graphic, “hormone woman”, to illustrate this. Look at where estrogen and progesterone act in our bodies.
Makes sense now right? So, no, you are not crazy. You are experiencing the effects of a major shift in the way your body works. If you want to learn more about the hormones and where they act, you can find that here.
Keep in mind this phase is temporary. Your body will work to get back into a new balance. Supporting your body through this transition can lessen the effects. Here are a couple of ideas.
When I first started working, my Dad said, “always pay yourself first”. The idea was that a paycheck will easily be eaten up by other things and you won’t save anything unless you are deliberate about it. His suggestion was to create a separate savings account and put a few dollars from every paycheck there, to force savings.
I see a parallel calculation for the menopause transition. Most of us have many demands on our time — taking care of others, work, household chores — that can easily take all of our time. The suggestion here is to be deliberate about self-care. “Pay yourself first” by making time to sleep, eat well, and incorporate some time to take care of you in your day. Even a few minutes makes a difference. More ideas about self-care here.
And here is a frame-of-mind shift that is worth thinking about too.
Kristin Neff is an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin’s Department of Educational Psychology and has pioneered the idea of self-compassion. She offers a 3-step process to use when faced with a difficult situation and it feels so relevant to this time in our lives.
First, acknowledge your suffering. I really don’t feel like myself. I’m feeling so anxious right now. These hormonal changes are really upending my life. Saying these things to yourself may sound silly, but many of us do one of two things that make our suffering worse. We either push away negative feelings which inhibits our ability to deal with them (and often makes them more intense) or we become self-critical. Five more pounds, I have no self-discipline! Why am I so anxious, I just need to deal! What is wrong with me? Toughen up! Instead, start by acknowledging your suffering.
Second, have empathy for yourself. Treat yourself like you would a friend that was struggling. Be kind, say to yourself, “this is hard, it’s stressful to feel so fragile or not sleep well for so many nights”.
Third, recognize your common humanity. You are not alone. If there is one thing that creating Women Living Better has taught us, it’s that many, many women the world over are having very similar experiences. Need proof? Look at the quotes from women (here and here) and these polls — click “results” at the bottom right — (here, here and here) on Women Living Better. Join a private Facebook community like Menopause Chicks (PST time zone) or The Perimenopause Hub (BST time zone). Talk to your friends. Do not suffer alone. And, don’t assume it’s only you. It is most definitely not!
And finally, back to that self-care theme — determine what might make you feel better. A walk outdoors? Escaping into a TV show? Talking to a friend? Organizing a closet? A short workout? Make some time to do it. You would encourage a friend to do this, so be that friend to yourself.
For those that prefer a media version, here is Kristin Neff describing self-compassion.
Importantly, if self-care changes don’t help your symptoms and they are interfering with your relationships and daily routines, please seek the help of a healthcare provider.
Surprisingly, many healthcare providers aren’t well-versed in the menopause transition, so advance preparation is helpful. Make a list of symptoms you experience and hope to address. If you track your cycle, take that data with you! We have created a tool that guides you in pulllling all of this information together. If you feel dismissed in any way, we encourage you to try another provider and keep trying, until you find a provider you can have a good discussion and ongoing relationship with.
This page can help you find a provider and think about how to make your appointment most efficient.
In case you missed them, here are the other parts of WLB’s Learn More, Feel Better Series.
Part I: Can You Picture Your Cycle?
